I Can't Do This

There have been times in my life and ministry where I just get that feeling of  “I can’t do this.”  It’s not a feeling of wanting to quit or give up on the responsibilities that God has given me as a husband, dad, friend and pastor.  It’s just a matter of sometimes feeling so overwhelmed with the calling in those areas of my life that God has placed on me.

I spend a lot of time with people who are hurting and broken and need redemption and healing through Jesus.  In some cases, I journey with people for months through the dark places in their lives – prolonged illnesses, marriage and family problems, overcoming addictions – and the feeling of “I can’t do this,” creeps in. 

There are times in my life – just like other people with job responsibilities – when I neglect my relationship with my wife and kids and let my work consume me.  Being in ministry is a little different than other work, because it’s so difficult sometimes to find the Off Switch.  There are always needs, and always ministry opportunities.  I often find myself consumed with empathy and sympathy for others to the point where I just kind of shut down emotionally and physically at home.  There is repair work to do.  Sometimes it takes days.  Sometimes it takes weeks.  The feeling of “I can’t do this,” creeps in. 

It’s not that I hate my life or ministry.  I love both and I am incredibly blessed to have the family I have and the church that I pastor.  But when God gives us a burden to do something – whether it’s to be a godly husband or wife, or mom or dad; to be a leader and servant in The Church; or to walk with people through difficult and dark times in their lives there are many times when we just get that feeling of “I can’t do this.”  I know I’m not alone in this, because I hear the same thing from many other people.

In today’s reading from Acts 9, I was reminded of this kind of burden when reading verses 15&16.  Acts 9 is a pretty dramatic chapter where Jesus knocks Saul and his butt and begins the process of changing him from the inside out.  The first few verses give us a glimpse of Saul’s life – he was the Pharisee in charge of persecuting Christians. 

In v.v. 15&16, God begins to lay out the plans that He has for Saul as he speaks to the disciple Ananias: “But the Lord said to Ananias, "Go! This man is my chosen instrument to carry my name before the Gentiles and their kings and before the people of Israel. I will show him how much he must suffer for my name."

These verses show us that being a disciple of Jesus carries a great burden – even suffering – for the sake of carrying the Good News.

Saul was a guy that had it made.  He was the cream of the crop of the Pharisees, and from a financial and influence standpoint, he was probably set for life.  In his mind, he was doing the right thing by upholding the Law of Moses, and punishing those who had been swept up by the grace and mercy of Jesus.  His job was easy – he could sit back and call the shots and men would carry out his plans.  He had no burden for people who were far from God.  His only burden was making money and destroying those who needed God the most.

When we live for ourselves, like Saul, we don’t understand the burden of the Good News.  But all that changed for Saul on the road to Damascus when Jesus took him apart and claimed him for Kingdom work.  If there was anything that Saul would hate, it would be loving Gentiles (non-Jews) and sharing the Good News with them.  Not only would the emotional and spiritual burden on Saul be too much for him to do, but Saul – soon to become Paul – would experience great physical suffering for the cause of Christ.  Imprisonment, beatings, stonings, shipwrecks, homelessness and much more.  I’m sure that as Paul began to see what God had in store for him, there were incredibly agonizing moments of thinking, “I can’t do this.” 

Like Paul, when we are faced with these moments of “I can’t do this,” we are in exactly the place God wants us to be!  These moments and seasons of life are opportunities for God to display his glory and power in our lives, and do the things that only He can do. 

In 2 Corinthians 12, as Paul is many years into his ministry of preaching the Good News to the Gentiles, he tells his friends at the Church in Corinth about the thorn in his flesh that God has given to him.  Scholars have debated for centuries about the nature of this thorn – whether it was physical or spiritual – and the evidence is good for either one.  In v.8, Paul tells of pleading with God to take it away from him, but God allowed it to remain as a reminder of grace.  In v.9, Paul tells of the answer he received from the Lord: “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”

This is certainly a backwards way of thinking in our culture that places a premium on strength and self-sufficiency.  We’re conditioned from an early age to live for pleasure and a life free from burdens and pain.  We’re encouraged to medicate or self-help our way through those “I can’t do this” moments.  But God’s Word tells us something different.  The “I can’t do this” moments and seasons are the times when the grace of Jesus becomes more precious and more powerful in our lives.  His power is made perfect in our weakness.  When we find ourselves feeling weak and powerless, and feel like giving up, we must learn to press into the grace and power of Jesus at work in our lives. 

In my message this past Sunday on Joshua 2, I ended by sharing a little bit of the story of Rick Warren, the pastor of Saddleback Church in California and the author of The Purpose Driven Life.  A few months ago, Rick and his wife Kay, lost their son Matthew to suicide.  Rick grieved very publicly through Twitter and Facebook, sharing brutally honest thoughts and feelings as he and Kay began the healing process of losing one of their three children.

Last week, he shared these words that give us great hope in those “I can’t do this” moments of life: “Give it to God - He transforms your test into a testimony, your mess into a message, and your misery into a ministry.”